yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
Randomize
