last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
Randomize
