she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
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