I'm really into asian looking animals
If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
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