just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
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