yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Randomize
