I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
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