You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
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