just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
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mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
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if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
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