ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
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