Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
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