i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
Randomize
