Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Randomize
