White coat. Heels.
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
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She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
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My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
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