OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
Randomize
