I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
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