I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
Randomize
