My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
Randomize
