im gay
i know
yea but for you.
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
Randomize
