ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
I FOUND THE LEGS
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
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