Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
Randomize
