I murdered the dance floor call the cops
You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
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