the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Randomize
