Being 21 is my favorite hobby I'm really good at it
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
Randomize
