You don't have asthma, your pregnant
someone owes me an orgasm
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
Randomize
