He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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