Will you blow on my dice?
Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
Randomize
