At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
Randomize
