A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
Randomize