I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
Randomize
