Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
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