I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Randomize
