Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
Randomize
