Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
Randomize
