I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
Randomize
