I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
Randomize
