oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
Randomize
