im having a threesome with these popsicles
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
Randomize
