Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
Randomize
