Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
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