I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
