She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
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