we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Randomize
