wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
Randomize
