Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
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