Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
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