We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
There's even glitter on my cock...
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
Randomize
