his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
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