I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
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