Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
Randomize
