Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
Randomize
