Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
I wear drunk well.
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
Randomize
