I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
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