I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
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