Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
Randomize
