At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
Randomize
