false alarm. still invincible.
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
Randomize