if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
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