i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
That was before I lit my hair on fire
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize
