dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
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