I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
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