If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
no more duck duck goose at the bar
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
Randomize
