im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
