the girl next to me in class is drawing a guy banging a chick doggy style...its very detailed
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
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